I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
