happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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