You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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