Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
