If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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