his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
