you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
