I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
