kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
