Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
