I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
