I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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