I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
