Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
