Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
