the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
