What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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