I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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