I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
