3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
