I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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