My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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