return my video game
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
