id be glad to
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
