i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
