Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
