Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
