I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
