17 year olds will be the death of me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
