Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
