Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm having to shit out rocks
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