Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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