Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
