Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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