For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
