He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
