Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she peed on how many people?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
