What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
