woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
