Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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