1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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