i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
