and you said cock pushups were impossible
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
