Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
