Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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