There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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