my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think your dad took our porno
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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