i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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