i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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