..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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