There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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