im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
