is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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