I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
