I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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