Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
