I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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